I’ve written before about rapists who don’t think they’re rapists. Men who sexually assault women but don’t regard themselves as guilty of sexual assault. Men who find such labels ‘unfair’. If you are one such man, this post is for you.

I have helpfully compiled information from a couple of Rape Crisis Centers, definitions to help you understand when you have raped, sexually assaulted or abused someone else. In case you weren’t sure. Or in case you couldn’t admit it to yourself.

Let’s start with S.A.R.C, Sexual Assault Resource Centre,located in Western Kenya where I am from. The lovely ladies at S.A.R.C have been so kind to me over the course of my recovery.

Here’s what they have to say- cut and pasted from their website (link above).

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault can be a violent, unexpected, traumatic and sometimes life threatening event or series of events. Sexual assault is ANY unwanted sexual act or behavior which is threatening, violent, forced or coercive and to which a person has not given consent or was not able to give consent.

The term ‘sexual violence’ is often used to describe sexual assault and sexual abuse.

What is sexual abuse?

Sexual abuse is when someone in a position of power or authority takes advantage of a person’s trust and respect to involve them in sexual activity. It can involve any of the examples above.

Sexual abuse can occur between:

  • A child and an adult
  • A child and an older child
  • A patient and a doctor
  • A student and a teacher
  • A parishioner and a priest

What is rape and what is date rape?

Rape is another word used for sexual assault. It is ANY unwanted sexual act or behaviour, which a person did not consent to or was not able to consent to.

Date rape happens when someone you have just met or are going out with forces or manipulates you into having unwanted sexual contact. Date rape can involve forced sexual acts or subtle or threatening sexual behaviour.

Regardless of your relationship, sexual contact without consent is against the law.

I also visited an American organisation, RAINN– Rape Abuse and Incest National Network. They had some really useful information too.

Sexual assault is unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling. (But, be aware: Some states use this term interchangeably with rape.)

Here are a few commonly asked questions:


A. People respond to an assault in different ways. Just because you didn’t resist physically doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape — in fact, many victims make the good judgment that physical resistance would cause the attacker to become more violent. 


A. Rape can occur when the offender and the victim have a pre-existing relationship (sometimes called “date rape” or “acquaintance rape”), or even when the offender is the victim’s spouse. It does not matter whether the other person is an ex-boyfriend or a complete stranger, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex in the past. If it is nonconsensual this time, it is rape. 

Let me wrap it up. If you have ever climbed on top of a teenage girl and used her as a masturbatory aid, ignoring her pleas for you to “Get off” over the course of a year, you sexually assaulted her. Me.

These facts may hurt your feelings, but that doesn’t change what is.

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Not sure if you are a rapist? Find out today!


6 comments on “Not sure if you are a rapist? Find out today!

  1. Thank you. Rape is a serious topic and you are handling it with destinction, honesty and candor. I can’t peak for all rape victims but I can speak for me. The more bringing light to this horrible and life changing (for the victim) crime the better.

    many hugs 🙂

  2. Excellent post! This is very informative and I pray that eyes will be opened. I struggled for many years with the effects of the attack by my own husband… but who would ever believe that a man could rape his own wife. It happens but remains an unspoken and hidden abuse. Everyone has a right to say NO. Thanks for opening eyes today! Many blessings to you!

    • Not all faiths see it so. In Islam a man can not rape his wife because she is his property like a car he can use her as he wills. I pray this type of barbarism stops in all faiths and women married or single, clothed head to toe or naked are safe from sexual assault and rape. We may never see such a world but we can pray for it.

      • Amen my sister. I stand with you in prayer for all victims as you stated. I pray that laws will be changed to protect women around the world. I pray that every abuse done in darkness will be brought to the Light. I pray for massive rescue of those held captive…Lord, set the captives free!! Bring healing and restoration to all victims around the world, in Jesus’ name. Amen

  3. i know a lot of people are going to find it hard to swallow this but there is a mechanism in place for the systematic rape of women in war torn countries by soldiers who have been indoctrinated into acceptance of the act so they believe there is nothing wrong with it… Now there has been a change in regime to a friendlier one that is looking for foriegn investment to rebuild their destitude and stricken country. The soldier is done his patriotic duty and is called a hero when he gets back from tour. A couple months go by and he becomes asymptomatic for PTSD and is being treated for depression but also borderline with a disassociated identity that sees nothing wrong with forcing his sexual gratification on to his sympathetic but horrified wife who justifies and accepts his behavior because he seems genuinley sorry afterwards. Meanwhile there are thousands of ‘wartime rape’ victims that ended up pregnant and are now carrying a child as a result who dont have healthcare, cant get an abortion and would almost rather commit suicide than live with whats inside of them, that it seems a blessing their new goverment (the one looking for foriegn investment) is going to offer the most basic of care until she is to term and then a small payment to dispose of the infant and the sheer numbers of those in exactly her position provide a very lucrative stream of revenue from the human trafficking of these babies when they go up for international adoption… This is what the presidents of the US refer to as “exporting DEMOCRACY” to the third world . I know all this because I was a peace keeper oversees deployed to IRAQ to ‘support’ the newly acuired democratic government that was nesessary after the old one was removed because of their foriegn policy… It was a resource conflict… thats how valuable oil is! Thank you all for letting me tell my story and start to heal. I feel that people have to be made aware of what our OWN government is doing. Thank-you ;)))

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